CNY Babytots Intensive Training

These few days mummy has been putting me through some kind of intensive training course. Its for Chinese New Year, she says, which is coming up soon. She says there is a special way for baby tots to behave at Chinese new year, and if we learn to do it right, we will get lots and lots of ang pow.

I asked mummy, what is ang pow? Can i play with it or eat it? Or is it something useless like clothes and nappies? I remember last year I got ang pow but where did it go?

Mummy says "Never you mind, Jimi Boy, and never mind where last years ang pows went. You just get them and pass them to me. The more ang pows you get, the less spankings you get. For each ang pow you collect, I will minus down from 100 spanks. And remember, under no cirkumstanzes do you pass the angpows to Daddy."

Well. I dont know what is 100 coz I cant count, and I dont know the meaning of cirkumstanzes. But it sure sounds like im in for alot of pain. So I better try my bery bery hardest!

This is what mummy has been teaching me. She calls it 'roll-playing' (which is not the same as playing with your pee pee, like I thought). In the roll-play there is the married person (usually an Auntie, the giver of ang pow), me, and mummy.

(PS> IF YOU ARE A MARRIED PERSON, PLEASE LOOK AWAY! YOU ARE BANNED FROM READING THIS PART COZ ITS SUPER SUPER SECRET! IF I FIND OUT YOU ARE READING THIS, I WILL DO POO POO ON YOU!)

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Roll-Play for CNY

Auntie: My my Jimi, havn't you grow big since I last saw you!

Me: (Doing cutest baby face, hold hands together, like an angel) Aun-tee, ang pow!
(Hey I can only say a few words ok!)

Mummy: (To me, angry look) Jimi!
(To Auntie) Im sorry I dont know where he learnt that!

Me: Aun-tee ang pow! ang pow! ang pow! (Hug and kiss auntie and big smile)

Auntie: Hahaha. He is so cute! And very smart for a 2 year old! Look Jimi, whats this... I have something for you!

Me: Gimme! (Open ang pow - find only RM2... look at mummy to see if this is good or bad) Auntie Yuck! (Throw away money if mummys look is bad)
Auntie more ang pow! More!

Auntie: Err...

Mummy: (To Auntie) Im so sorry...
(To Me) Jimi, stop this!.. Say sorry Auntie! This is not good manners...

Me: (saddest puppy dog eyes, wobbly with tears) Aun-tee, mummy scold...

Auntie: (To mummy) No, its ok... You have a daarling son....
(To me) Here Jimi, heres another ang pow. It was meant for your cousin, but you can have it instead...

Me: (Open ang pow - RM20, Good) Thank kyuu Aun-Tee!! (Big Hug Auntie)

Mummy: Youre terrible Jimi. Thank you very much, Auntie, youre too kind. Come jimi, lets say hi to other Auntie..


----Married person filter line. No married person above this line.------

And thats as far as mummy has taught me. Although theres many more tricks like falling down the stairs, serving food and tea to people, and getting rid of all other children in the same house.

I hope I do a good job of it, I dont want to get a sore bottom all Chinese New Year! Anyway mummy says its my duty. Coz since shes married she can't get any ang pows and has to give ang pows instead. Haha! Suckers! I will never get married and be a sucker!

Well thats all I have to say about Chinese New Year! If youre coming to my house, make sure you bring lots of cash, and maybe your checkbook, share certs and house title deed too!

But dont go away coz in my up and coming blogs I will be talking about:

- Updates on my new band - and Winnie's secret drug scandal revealed!
- Daddy's evil PSP, son of evil PS2, and the havoc it is causing to his cerebellum!
- The real secret of where Cat (Our Grey Dog) went: An exclusive interview with Blossom (Our spotty dog)!
- My shoe and handbag fetish revealed - PLUS my top 5 favourite looks from Mummys and Nana's wardrobe!
- Caught! Daddy in the toilet pictures!

Ahh, the things I do in the name of Journalism!